And the Mirrorball Trophy Goes To ... Donny & Kym!!!!!!

Woohoo! It’s the Finale of Dancing With the Stars! And it’s LIVE!!!!

And it’s two hours! (This is the Filler Show, actually!)

We meet all our dimissed stars from the season and their pros again - they line up on two sides and the three finalists go through the line slapping high fives. Kelly takes forever because she has to hug everyone.

We get the obligatory review of last night, and during Len’s comments about Kelly’s Argentine Tango, we see a shot of the back of Miss Piggy’s (of Muppet fame) head backstage. And then .... nothing moves. Tom then looks sheepish and says “Did we tell you this show is live?” Obviously the tape jammed or something! After commercial Tom says “you weren’t paying attention, so here it is again!” and it starts over once more. This time no Piggy! Wonder if they cut it out or it didn’t belong there to begin with?

Okay, here’s Whitney Houston. She looks healthy again but not very perky, actually. Whatever. Now we see another clip of the Losers Club, an elite group of celebrities that were voted off the show first. Jeff Ross, Penn, and Kenny Mayne tell us all about it. Jeff Ross comes out to welcome Ashley Hamilton into the Club and gives him a sparkly jacket “to represent your suckiness.” Ross introduces Ashley’s dance with Edyta as “dancing to Simply the Best, it’s simply the worst.” During the dance Ashley dumps Edyta on the floor and goes to dance with Jeff Ross. The both rip open their jackets and shirts at the end and we get to see Jeff Ross’ wonderfully flabby tummy - *gag.* Ashley then jumps onto the desk and looks to be getting v-e-r-y frisky with Len and then kisses Bruno. (He should have been one of the dancers on the American Music Awards with Adam Lambert, maybe everyone wouldn’t be in such a tizzy about it).

Our next clip replays the first three weeks of the competition. Then we get to see Kathy Ireland and Tony (and she still sucks royally), Macy Gray and Jonathan (and I’m still shuddering, this woman is freaking scary!), Debi Mazar and Maks, who do a Tango and look pretty good (of course, after those first two, Jeff Ross would have looked good!)

The next clip reviews the flu epidemic throughout the stars, as well as the injuries. Tom Delay and Cheryl will be able to dance the Texas Two-Step now that his feet have healed (and he still looks like he’s kept the weight off). Before the commercial, we see that Miss Piggy will indeed be part of the show, and she’s in her dressing room with Maks in a Speedo or black undies (who cares? they look damn good on him!) rubbing Piggy’s shoulders.

So here are Tom Delay and Cheryl. He’s pretty sad. I’m glad his feet are better though or we would have missed this! Oh, the horror of not being able to see Tom dance again! (Am I laying it on thick enough?)

Weeks 4 and 5 are reviewed next. Chuck Lidell and Anna T come out to dance, I think it’s a Paso Doble? Mark Dacascos and Lacey come out too and look pretty good - I really liked Mark. He does a lot of flips and during their dance then Lacey runs off and Chuck comes up and they do a simulated fight till the girls come back and “break it up.” Samantha asks the four of them “if there were a real fight who would win?” and everyone points to Lacey!

We get a clip of "Coach" Adam Corolla, who reminds us that the last time a man won this competition Len was in the Army, Carrie Ann was in diapers, and Bruno was still in the closet! He tells Donny that he’s “our only hope” and then in walk Kelly and Mya. Corolla gets into Donny’s face about cavorting with the enemy. He chases the girls away and takes Donny’s “man liner” (eyeliner - looking at a photo of Donny's "Atom Ant" dance) away from him. After an alleged pep talk he gets down on a knee to pray and Donny takes off.

Natalie Coughlin & Alec dance next, and it’s a Rumba and looks good. That was Natalie’s strength as far as the dancing went but she never had the “attitude” to go with it. More reviews and then Melissa Joan Hart and Mark come out to dance the Samba. It looks like fun, and I like the fringy yellow-purple dress!

Oh, good grief. Chloris Leachman, Jerry Springer, and Steve Wozniak are going to dance? Now THAT is scary!

The judges give us their opinions on each of the three finalists. And Len ends their opinions with “there can be only one.” Hey! That’s Duncan MacLeod’s line! Our three finalist couples are introduced to much fanfare. Kelly offers her retrospect and calls it the most fantastic journey of her life. She thanks Louis with tears and he sniffles that he’s proud of her. We’ll get the Waltz out of them - of course, it’s Kelly’s strength. She’s not trying to look romantic, though, she’s smiling throughout. I think she’s happy it’s over, really - it’s her last dance. Len says that he’ll miss her the most of all the celebrities on the show. We can barely hear him because the audience is screaming and chanting “Kelly! Kelly!” Bruno tells her that she may have come from “rock and roll royalty” but she’s earned her place as a ballroom princess. Carrie Ann gets very sniffly and says that in all the seasons, no one has touched her like Kelly has. Kelly manages not to get teary - but Louis has tears running down his cheeks. How sweet!

Mya & Dmitry comment on their season thus far. They come out to dance their Jive that makes me think of Cheryl - Mya looks just like her with that wig on and dances this very well also. Bruno calls her “sharp, slick - you never miss a beat.” Carrie Ann says every season there’s someone that sets the pace, and that would be Mya. She calls Mya a “star.” Len offers that “we’ve had a few ups and downs but I’ve never doubted your talent.” Will they give her first place again?

Donny & Kym will wrap it up. They recall laughing a lot during rehearsals, but all the hard work also. They’ve become very good friends and Kym is now an “honorary Osmond.” They’ll dance an Argentine Tango. Ooh my, that outfit of Kym’s is something! I think she stole it from Edyta - it’s “open” at her left hip (there’s a clear kind of material holding it together). Carrie Ann begins by saying she’s glad they chose this dance to dance again because “it’s artistry in motion.” Len thinks Donny’s been mostly good, sometimes bad, and one dance was “pretty ugly.” But “it’s not how you start, but how you finish, and you finished strong.” Bruno calls him “the great performer.” He tells Donny “you’ve reached the dark side and you do it well.” The judges then huddle to come up with their scores.

Backstage, Samantha talks to the stars. Kelly says she doesn’t know what she’s going to do with herself now, not seeing Louis everyday “so I think I might stalk him.” Mya agrees with Kelly that the routine is over and that will be strange. Donny says this experience ranks up at the top with everything he’s done in his career. The judges are ready to tell us their scores: third is Kelly & Louis and they get 26; next are Mya & Dmitry!!!! and they get 28, leaving Donny in shock that he and Kym get first and 30 points. Will it be enough to put him over the top? Will this make everyone on the message boards stop harping about how the judges decided long ago that Mya will be the winner and they’re fixing it to be that way? (Of course, the conspiracy theorists will say that the judges picked Donny & Kym to throw off the suspicious, and Mya will win anyway....)

Louie Vito and Chelsie come out to dance - and they’re dancing to “Puppy Love” - which Donny will sing! Donny’s still got the voice at least. They begin the dance all romantic and sweet and then the tempo speeds up, Louie gets down to the wife beater shirt and Chelsie rips off her skirt to show off her mini and Louie flips all over the ballroom floor.

Before the commercial, there are clips of Michael Ervin and Jerry Rice’s upcoming competition. Michael wants to beat Jerry somehow - they’ve each won three Super Bowls. They have a special “Mirrorball Ring” to give the winner. They will dance the Paso Doble, and they’re doing it to the NFL them song. Michael & Anna D and wearing Dallas Cowboy blue and white, and Jerry & Anna T and wearing San Francisco 49er red and gold. The judges then have to decide who gets the ring, and they say that Michael came game ready so he is the winner. The judges are yelling, though, that they’re not done, and they give Jerry a ring too, saying he won “the battle of the bodies.” (Think it was set up a bit, do ya?)

Before the commercial Miss Piggy comes backstage and butts in on Samantha, who tells Piggy to “quit hogging the spotlight” and Piggy gives her one of her famous “hi-ya!” chops. There were times I wish that would have happened during the season....but at least this year the crazy hairstylist wasn’t around!

Aaron Carter & Karina come out to do their Mambo to the Muppet Show theme (and it’s nice to see Animal playing the drums again). Tom asks what Aaron has taken away from the show, and Aaron says he’s going to inspire young people to “do the right thing.” (Huh? Ballroom dancing gave him that impetus?)

Miss Piggy is interviewing Chloris, Jerry and Woz backstage, asking them what makes them think they can beat Joanna Krupa - “miss skinny minnie here.” Chloris tells her to back off, she doesn’t want to get the swine flu. Jerry just wants to be vertical at the end, and he doesn’t eat pork. (Piggy’s not impressed). It’s kinda lame, but cute all the same.

After a another review, we get a competition Mambo with Jerry & Edyta, Steve & Karina, Chloris & Corky, and Joanna & Derek. Chloris & Corky are told to leave first, and Jerry & Edyta are gone next (how on earth can Steve Wozniak stay in? Oh, I see how, he’s doing the worm.) Tom is narrating, and as Steve & Karina get told to leave, he says “in what appears to be a setup, Joanna & Derek are declared the winners.” They end their dance with Joanna doing “the move” to Derek instead this time.

Whitney Houston comes out to sing again, and I could care less, but our pros are out to dance, so I have to slow down the TiVo for that! Ooh, Anna T isn’t dancing with Jonathan this time! - oh, wait, at the end when they all switch partners, the hubby and wife are together. Backstage, Samantha interviews the “fallen comrades” about the finalists. The couples are out on the stage, and we get to find out who gets third place. And it’s ... Kelly & Louis. She’s very grateful to the fans for keeping her in the competition this long. Tom tells her that’s she’s grown the most throughout the season. Kelly & Louis go out for their final bow and she runs over to kiss her Dad. While Kelly was really a joy to watch, she really didn’t deserve to win the treasured Mirrorball Trophy. But can Donny pull it out with his charisma? Or will the fans give it to the better dancer, Mya?

After the commercial, we go through the music again to find out who wins. It’s Donny & Kym! I’m happy for Kym too, she’s a great dancer & choreographer. Donny grabs his wife out of the audience and brings her over to celebrate. Mya is gracious in defeat. Tom goes to give Donny the trophy and his whole family has joined him onstage. After Donny hugs Mya Tom presents him with the trophy. Donny then runs to grab Marie out of the audience too - and just think, he’s got bragging rights now!

So congrats to “Mr. Entertainer” Donny Osmond, this year’s champ. Mya really didn’t connect with the fans or else she would have had that glittery gob of glass for her mantle. And until Season 10, keep on dancing!

We Finally Get to the Awaited Freestyles - But ... They're Not All That!

Tonight one of our three finalists will dance away with the Mirrorball Trophy! Who will it be? We’ll find out - LIVE!!!!

The stars are starting with a clean slate - they have to perform three new dances each. Mya comes down the steps in an interesting getup - boy shorts and a bikini top with a long coat-looking thing. Paso Doble, I bet.

Kelly & Louis begin the dancing tonight. Kelly didn’t think she’d be able to do the show, but wanted to show people that she’d grown up. She says that the Charleston was a breakthrough for her. In practice, Carrie Ann came in to give Kelly some pointers (I guess Len isn’t spreading himself thin with all the couples this year) - and they’re starting with the Argentine Tango. She’s trying to teach Kelly to be intense but Kelly said “she made me so uncomfortable.” It looks great - her attitude is right and he dancing is pretty darn good too! It was really great - and I agree with Carrie Ann, she’s made the most of her dancing experience and really improved the most. Len says she epitomizes what the competition is about but through hard work she’s made it through to the finals. Bruno says she is the revelation of this season. He likes that she mastered the embellishments of the Argentine Tango, but complained about her hand getting loose at times. Carrie Ann offers that after seeing what she was struggling with in rehearsal, she is very proud of Kelly and likes the routine. Their scores: 9-9-8=26. Louis praises Kelly saying that she came out tonight without making a mistake, and Louis had to keep from giggling because he was so excited.

Mya & Dmitry will dance the Paso Doble (reminds me of Mel B’s outfit, I knew I thought I’d seen that before). Mya was very nervous the first night, but she loved their routine, until Len got at them. Mya knew Len would be tough, but she didn’t expect that and neither did Dmitry. She felt their big break came during the Samba (it was just because of Dmitry’s cheezy moustache!) Len came into the rehearsal to help Mya & Dmitry, saying “it’s the grumpy judge.” He wanted them to be stronger, saying Mya is too subdued. He said “So far, good has been good enough, but you have to be great now.” They’re dancing to “We Will Rock You” and it looks pretty good - but there’s not a lot of hold. Wonder if Len will chew them out for that? Wow, there are many, many alumni of DWTS in the audience, all cheering wildly as they should. Bruno liked it! “The power of Mya unleashed! Fearless, flambouyant!” Carrie Ann dubs Mya “the Queen of the Paso Doble.” Len says the pressure is immense but Mya came out like the “no stress express.” He says his favorite Paso of all the seasons was Mel B and Maks, and “this is right up there with it.”

Before we get the scores, we see a clip of Michael Ervin and Jerry Rice doing trash talking - Michael challenged Jerry to a dance-off and that will be tomorrow night. This I gotta see! Their scores come up: 10-10-10=30.

Here come Donny & Kym. Donny says that he’s been performing for 46 years and he drew on that for his opening dance, the Foxtrot, but watching the clip he yelled at himself for his posture. He decides that their Argentine Tango was his breakthrough - Kym liked the part where he ran his hand along her leg, and Donny said “that’s the sleeping on the couch part. I’m still sleeping on the couch for that one.” During their Quickstep, Donny was sick and the room was spinning but he kept smiling. Bruno comes in to help Donny & Kym, saying that Donny can win it, but he doesn’t want Donny to win it for who he is, but for his dancing. Bruno stressed Donnny’s extension of his arms and the fact that he bends a lot and needs to watch his posture. They will dance a Cha Cha, and Donny listened to Bruno, his arms look great! Donny is having great fun with this dance but it’s just not the sharpest. I really like Donny but he doesn’t deserve to win DWTS - but he does deserve a side award, like the equivalent of “Miss Congeniality” during the Miss America pageants. Carrie Ann begins by asking “where did those hips come from?” Len calls him “Ding Dong Donny” and said it was a proper Cha Cha and gives Bruno credit for his assistance. Bruno points out that Donny is a professional, saying that “I shouted at him and he just shut up and gave me no attitude” but took it to heart and worked harder. Their scores: 9-9-9=27. Samantha brings up Marie’s doll dance freestyle and I know that Marie wanted to curl up and die - no one wants to remember that fiasco!

Tom tells us that the couples will next dance side by side with the same choreography. They will dance a Viennese Waltz, Samba and Jive. They call it the “Megamix.” Nick Kosovich is the choreographer for this dance. Kelly is freaking out because Mya and Donny have dancing experience, and Nick is going really fast for her. Donny is saying that he’s a quarter of a century older than Kelly and he’s trying to do the same stuff - and Kym offers that both Mya and Kelly could be Donny’s daughters. He’s not too thrilled with that one! The couples will be scored 1, 2 or 3. The Viennse Waltz is pretty, they’re pretty much in sync. During the Samba, Kelly looks tense and forgets to have a happy face. They get right into the Jive and it’s fun! Len says that he thought it would be so easy to judge with all three couples out there, but no. “It shows how close you all are.” Bruno calls it the last hurdle - he liked Mya’s Samba, Kelly’s improvement (although he says it looked like she was going through a spin dryer for a bit) and he told Donny that at times “I thought you were one of the professionals.” Carrie Ann agreed with the guys, saying Donny was really keeping up, and Mya made her hips go “boom boom!” She loved Kelly’s grace in the Waltz. The dance will be judged 30 points for first, 28 for second, and 26 for third. Backstage, Kelly says if they’re not having fun out there, all the hard work wasn’t worth it. Donny offers that it’s bittersweet because “it’s the end.” Kelly & Louis get third, Donny & Kym get second, and Mya & Dmitry get first.

The anticipated Freestyles are next! Brooke Burke, Helio Castroneves, and Drew Lachey offer their comments on the Freestyle, saying you can’t play it safe, you have to put every trick into it, have fun, and leave it on the floor. I loved the clips of their Freestyles, especially Drew & Cheryl doing “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.” It’s still my favorite after all these years!

Tom says the Freestyle most times determines who wins the competition. Kelly & Louis are up first and her foot is killing her - she can practice in heels for about 10 minutes and has to ice it because she’s torn cartilage in her big toes. Louis shows Kelly a move where he does a handstand and puts his feet on the wall, and Kelly says “You’re out of your f***ing mind! Why am I doing that? I’m not doing that. I’ve got a skirt on, it will go over my head. That does not look graceful. I’m gonna look like a beached whale upside down.” She’s determined that she will prove that her dancing ability is good enough for her to win. At least she’s remembering to have fun, she’s really smiling great! The choreography is good but it looks, I dunno - clunky or something. She really is beaming after the dance, I feel great for her no matter how they judge her! Bruno says “one thing is for sure - you never looked more beautiful than tonight.” Carrie Ann says the Freestyle is all about seeing how far they’ve come, and Kelly is a survivor. Len says he loved it, because even through her little mistakes, but she kept singing and laughing through all of it “and I thoroughly enjoyed it.” Backstage, Kelly is still cracking up, saying that “one of the lifts looked more like Louis pooped me out.” Their scores: 8-8-8=24. That gives them a 76 for the night.

Mya & Dmitry know that they can win or lose on the Freestyle. They try and decide what they want to do and Dmitry suggests something on the order of Hairspray but Mya thinks that might be a little safe - until they start practicing. They’re actually doing some major dancing - no real tricks, one lift! I guess they’re really going for the judges’ scores. It is a really good routine but not all "that" but it is good dancing! Carrie Ann says “high energy, fun, but not outstanding to me.” Len is next, agreeing with Carrie Ann. “There was a sameness about it. I was waiting for something to happen but nothing did.” Bruno says they had all the vivacity of the era, right on the beat, but “I expected something more spectacular.” The scores are better than I thought they would get after those comments: 9-9-9=27. They have 87 for their total tonight.

So Donny & Kym can really kick some ass in their Freestyle after those scores! Donny explains that “I saw Marie” comment from last week - he says after Kym got tripped up in her dress, then he got tripped up, then he spotted Marie and saw the look on her face and it messed him up more. During rehearsal, Marie and Jonathan try to distract Donny, by blowing smoke at them and Marie yelling “look at my face!” They will do a Broadway routine, where Donny’s personality can show through. They’re practicing lifts, and during one try Kym kicks Donny in the head and says “you have to keep your head back.” Donny admits “I know that now!” He says he has to win the trophy, “Because if you had a sister named Marie and she was gonna rub it in your face for the rest of your life, you’d want to win it too.” They do great dancing and fun lifts - and Donny doesn’t get smacked in the head. Len begins by saying “that was truly an absolute show stopper.” He also adds that “judging from Bruno’s noises during the dance, he’s gonna shout so I’m going to move over.” Bruno does yell. “You’re right! Mr. Show Business at his best!” Carrie Ann brings up Drew & Cheryl and Shawn & Mark’s Freestyles, and tells Donny “welcome to the Hall of Fame, buddy!” Will they get a perfect score? 10-10-10=30. They have 85 for the night.

After the judges' scores, here is the leaderboard:
87 - Mya & Dmitry
85 - Donny & Kym
76 - Kelly & Louis

So who wins? Yeah, Donny & Kym had the best Freestyle out of all the couples, but it still didn't measure up to past seasons. Mya is the better dancer, but will Donny’s personality win out? Will Kelly’s hard work and earnest attitude get her the most votes? Tomorrow night, the couples dance one more dance for the judges’ votes and we’ll find out who wins the fantastic Mirrorball Trophy! And it will be LIVE!

The Fans Come Through for the Wild Child and the Entertainer! (We Knew Mya Was Going to Make It)

What have your votes decided? We have four couples left, and only three will survive this night - and it’s an hour show! Full of filler, but it will be ...

LIVE!!!!! From Hollywood! This is Dancing With the Stars!

Len wants to see Mya & Dmitry’s Salsa again. “It was hot, it was fast, and don’t forget her tutti fruitti bootie.” Len is listening to Bruno too much, sassy boy! Although is it me or did their dance seem a whole lot longer than the other three couples’ dances?

Kelly is laughing down the hallway with Louis that she totally forgot her solo during the Rumba and made it up as she went along. In the confessional, Kelly says she’s going to go out on a good night and not worry “is my dress gonna rip, is my boob gonna fall out” and Louis looks at her chest and says “in this dress? Hmmmm, getting close.” A recap of Joanna’s evening has her confessing that with all the nerves and adrenaline she’s surprised she did so well. Joanna was very happy about Carrie Ann’s remark that “I hope you’re here for the final.” Donny & Kym’s wardrobe malfunction is highlighted and they’re both upset in the confessional, where Donny says he’s mad that he blew it. After his next two dances, he felt much better. Mya & Dmitry have a good laugh in the confessional about Len “talking about my booty.”

I notice that Mya & Dmitry have changed clothes, into their Waltz costumes. What was wrong with the Cha Cha outfits? The kids getting a draft? Tom and Samantha talk to each of the couples - “have your fans saved you?” Then, with an evil grin, Tom says “The first couple who has received a place in the finals ... will be revealed shortly.”

Filler clip comes up with the stars talking about each other, no trash talking now, everything is complimentary. Backstage, the stars interview with Samantha. Kelly says that last night was the best night so far, she had fun and even if she goes home she will be proud of her accomplishments. Joanna was thrilled to get into the semifinals. Mya admits that there were mistakes last night, and she had a wardrobe malfunction - and then Donny waves his hand, saying “let’s talk about a wardrobe malfunction, shall we?”

Dancers are coming up - from the Weinstein Company’s upcoming film “Nine.” Looks kind of erotic. One guy and a bunch of women in flimsy dresses and garter-belted stockings. And my, the lead lady has some major hooters on her!

Here comes Alicia Keys. It’s nice that a singer shows up that I know and like. I think she brought her own dancers, though.


The pressure is mounting for our stars, and strange things can happen! We see them all taking turns pantomiming singing “Under Pressure.” Actually, I like this! They should do that more often. Tom quips that “apparently pressure doesn’t improve lip synching skills.”

Joanna & Derek and Mya & Dmitry, as last night’s highest-scoring couples, get to find out their fates first. Mya & Dmitry are in the finals, but Joanna & Derek have to find out ... later. However, Tom says they’re in jeopardy. Are they in the bottom two or is this just the catch phrase this year?

Leona Lewis will sing now. Beautiful voice! Ooh, the floor is full of smoke and four guys rise from the smoke to dance. Not our pros, though. Where are our pros?

After a backstage interview with Mya & Dmitry and Joanna & Derek, we get to find out the fates of the remaining two couples. The next couple in the finals is ... Donny & Kym! Yeah, his personality and fan base kept him in (all the women my age who had his posters on their walls).

Melissa Rycroft, who had to leave last season because of broken ribs, is back to dance the Hustle with Tony to the BeeGees. After the commercials, the two remaining BeeGees come out to sing. Wow, the judges are up shaking their booties! They’re singing “You Should Be Dancing.” Out come Cheryl, Tony, and Chelsie with some male dancer I haven’t seen before. So where’s Melissa? Considering the BeeGees are celebrating their 50th anniversary, they still sound pretty good. Okay, now Cheryl is dancing with the other guy and her comes Melissa with Tony. Chelsie joins them for the end of the dance. Melissa looks good and she can still dance!

Another filler clip, this time about how our pros work so hard. They not only have to train their stars, but come up with routines for the Results Show. Edyta says it’s chaotic - even with one choreographer, they all have their own opinions. Anna D. adds that it’s “kind of like kindergarten.” They don’t have a lot of time, anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours. The wardrobe department has to come up with 120 costumes in a week, and somehow gets it all done.

Okay, we finally get to find out who’s going home this week. Uh, never mind. “The couple with the lowest combined scores and therefore going home ... will be announced after this.” Samantha says they’re not necessarily in the final two. Len says that Kelly has taken dancing into her heart and in doing so “has entered all of ours.” (How sweet!) He says Joanna has been the most “consistent” of all the stars and will be missed if she goes.

So who is leaving? Whoa!!!!!! Joanna & Derek are outta there! Kelly is crying and Sharon and Ozzie (or is it Ozzy?) are freaking out in the audience. After a quick chat with Tom & Samantha, Joanna & Derek are asked to recreate their Viennese Waltz from last night. Bummer - kinda like having to sing after getting kicked off of American Idol. At least it’s not the Cha Cha or something perky, cuz I bet she’s not feeling perky. I’m really surprised that she’s gone, I thought for sure she was one of the final two!

Okay, so Kelly and Donny’s fans came through and got them to the finals. Can either of them beat Mya out for the Mirrorball Trophy? I really don’t think that they should, Mya really is the better dancer - but ya never know!

Our Couples Do THREE Dances Tonight and Kelly Shines!

It’s the Semi-Finals! Four couples left, who will stand out and who will fall? We’ll find out....

LIVE!!! From Hollywood! This is Dancing With the Stars!

The couples will dance three dances this week. During the Latin dances, the stars will have to do a solo.

Donny & Kym are first with a Tango. They are scared being in last place, and having three dances means a lot of hard work. Kym asked Gilles Marini, who got three 10's in his Tango, to come in and give Donny some pointers. He tells Donny that he wanted people to feel uncomfortable watching him dance, with all the passion he put into it. Gilles says to “act like you’re leading, even though we know you’re not.” He doesn’t want Donny to be “nice” but be “passionate and in control.” What the hell kind of Tango music is this? They’re dressed in black and gold, and I’m pretty sure that’s the name of the song, but it’s sucky Tango music. Donny does NOT look passionate at all (I’m not in the least uncomfortable) and messes up some in the middle, then Kym gets tangled in her hem. Donny yells as he waits for the judges to start, knowing he’s in trouble. Len starts by saying his Argentine Tango was fantastic, but this one wasn’t good. Donny walks up to the table saying “you know what it was? I saw Marie.” Bruno tells him “you completely lost it. Tonight you couldn’t cover it up.” Carrie Ann says there was no drama happening “except I bet there’s a lot of drama going on in your head.” She liked that they kept going and made it to the end of the dance. Backstage, Donny & Kym were both upset, saying they worked so hard, and in dress rehearsal everything went so well. Samantha quips “when all else fails blame it on your sister.” Their scores: 7-7-7=21.

Joanna & Derek come next with the Viennese Waltz. She says the pressure is on after last week with one good dance and one bad one. Brooke Burke came by to help Joanna deal with Derek and the stress. They do some “role play” where Joanna acts like Derek and had it down pretty good, actually! I love her soft blue dress with the ruffly bottom. It’s a very pretty dance, the judges should like this one. Bruno tells Joanna “this waltz had the grace of angels in heaven.” BUT! He saw a slight hesitation that didn’t take Bruno “up to paradise.” Carrie Ann likes how Joanna has grown into a “statuesque beauty” when she dances. She says Joanna has to figure out why she’s reaching, though, to help sell it more. Len is complimentary, telling her that “when you’re in hold, your dance is as good as any professional’s.” He called her wrists flicking “a bit funny” but it was very beautiful. Their scores: 9-9-9=27.

Kelly & Louis are up next. Right before rehearsal, Kelly finds out that a dog she was caring for passed away, and is very sad but decides to keep practicing (Louie tells her it’s therapy). They’re dancing a Rumba and Kelly wants Louie to choreograph it tough so she can show how far she’s come. Her solo is a little stilted but when she dances with Louie she looks a bit more comfortable than in past weeks. The one foot stand at the end looks scary, but she does it! Sharon is wild in the audience. Carrie Ann gets to start and has to wait for the audience to stop screaming. She tells Kelly “you’re not our strongest dancer but you have a magical quality that reaches right into my heart.” (Awwww!) Len says he can’t be as airy fairy as Carrie Ann, but he tells Kelly she has turned into a very competent dancer. Bruno calls her endearing but since it’s the semi-finals, some things need to be said. “The Rumba needs a sense of eroticism and you may not know about it, and I can’t teach you.” Backstage, Kelly says that the Rumba was for she and Louie, “more spiritual than erotic, to show how far we’ve come.” (Awww again!) Their scores: 8-8-8=24.

Tom tells us that Michael Ervin and Jerry Rice will “dance off” next week, live, since Michael said he can outdance Jerry. That might be fun (especially since Jerry made it to third in his season and definitely is the better dancer!)

Mya & Dmitry are up to dance a Waltz. They’re getting serious about the semi-finals. They have rules set up: If you’re late you pay a fine. Any mistakes mean five pushups. Ten minute breaks only. And.....listen to Dmitry. They’re working so hard that they are sleeping in a tent in the studio! (I’m sure). Her dress is very pretty too! And hey! They do a lift! Mya didn’t keep her foot on the floor when Dmitry spun her. Uh oh, big trouble! Len begins and says it had romance, elegance, and it was a joy to watch. Bruno offers that it was “love set to music, defying gravity” and saying that Mya always puts a touch of erotic in it. Carrie Ann loved it too - but she thought they were slightly not connected in hold (and of course, got booed by the audience and a quizzical look from Bruno). But no mention of a lift, I guess she missed it. Their scores: 9-9-10-28. Bruno’s tie ends up on the paddle blocking the score (heehee). Tom tells Bruno he thought for a second there Bruno gave her a 1!

Donny & Kym are back up - but first we get to see where Donny “came from.” We see Donny singing on Andy Williams’ show (badly) at 5. When the Donny & Marie show ended, he wanted to show he could be a solo artist, and when nobody believed him, he says it hurt. His sons say he’s working really hard but still having fun, because of a saying in their house “let’s make a game out of it.” We see Kym telling Donny he’s going to do a step 100 more times until he gets it right, and he asks “can we make a game out of it?” Here comes their Samba, which should work well, Donny can sell this one with his personality. And they’re dancing to “One Bad Apple!” I really like him, but I don’t see him making the finals. He tries a slide through Kym’s legs and looks like he kinda gets stuck on the floor. He likes this one, though! Bruno says “A bit of a stumble doesn’t stop a professional from coming back and nailing it.” Carrie Ann liked it better than the last one but calls it “a little sloppy.” Len goes with Bruno “I can’t agree with Carrie.” He says it was an “absolute metamorphosis.” Their scores: 8-9-9=26.

Now we get to see where Joanna comes from. She was born in Communist Poland and moved to America when she was 5. She really looks like her Mom! Mom had to work in a factory and Joanna helped raise her little sister. She took ballet lessons but had to quit, and her sister (who also looks a lot like her) says it’s her dream to dance. They interview Hugh Hefner, saying he thinks Joanna can win. (Did she pose in Playboy?) Joanna & Derek are dancing the Cha Cha. Her solo is at the beginnning of the dance and those fringy pants look really goofy. Sorry, I think Karina is the only person who can pull those off! There’s not a lot of Cha Cha in this one, a lot of standing still and bending and such. Not sure Len’s gonna like this one. Derek seems to be doing a bit more this time around too. Carrie Ann gets to start, saying that she likes how Joanna can go from being beautiful and glamorous and then “come out and be the wild child.” Len said it was clean, crisp, and he loved it - but it “could have been a little more cheeky.” So of course, Joanna & Derek turn around and shake their bootys at him! Bruno says “ooh, I just can’t get you out of my bed.” He calls Joanna “natural sex” and says she’s not a dancer, but has achieved great standards. Tom tells Bruno that she’d find her way out (of Bruno’s bed) pretty quickly. Backstage, Joanna thanks the fans for keeping her in because she didn’t think she’d get this far. Their scores: 9-9-9=27.

Len gets to make a special announcement, saying that while we’ve had good dances and not-so-good dances, the band has always been fantastic (nice, Len, but no, they ain’t perfect either).

Kelly & Louis will dance a Quickstep next. We see how Kelly’s rock n roll life prepared her for DWTS. She had an “alternative upbringing” but it’s inevitable when your parents are Sharon and Ozzie Osbourne. When they did the reality show, it “turned my life upside down.” She heard people saying bad things about her on the radio and turned to drugs to cope. She loves that this show has helped her self-esteem and her body (oh yeah, she’s lost mega weight!) She’s doing great - Kelly has a great smile on her face and looks to be having fun - and her feet look good too - rats. I spoke too soon and jinxed her, looks like she missed a step during a long run across the floor. Louis kind of fumbles her on the last move where she’s upside down. Len starts by saying that “two people are very happy, and that’s your Mum and me.” It was totally past his expectations, and she’s blown him away. Bruno yells “you’re like Speedy Gonzales.” He noticed that she lost one step, but calls her a twinkling sparkle. Carrie Ann yells too, “Go get ‘em Kelly Osbourne!” She says she nailed it and was right with Louie, even with the stumble she was fabulous. Kelly gets teary-eyed telling the judges “thank you for your comments, that’s what gave me the confidence to keep coming back.” (No, the votes kept you coming back!) Their scores: 9-9-9=27. I think that’s their highest of the season!

Mya & Dmitry are next to dance a Salsa. She was born in Washington DC and her mother taught her tap from a library book. She kept her singing ability a secret from her parents, singing at school. She would have had to be the best so she got better and then let them know. Her parents got divorced and she found out her Mom had breast cancer and that was rough. To begin the dance, Mya unbuttons Dmitry’s jacket - good move! (She’s dressed skimpy for the guys, give us girls something too!) Her solo is HOT! I can’t see her not winning this thing - she is damn good. Great dance! Bruno looks actually lewd, gearing up for his critique. “Only one word can describe this! SEN-SA-TION-AL!!!” Carrie Ann called it “hot beyond belief” and her solo was “slammin.” Len says “I gotta say, tutti frutti, what a pootie.” He was “mesmerized by your buttocks” and says Mya should be in the finals. Methinks there’s three 10's coming! And they get them: 10-10-10=30. Dmitry falls on the floor.

The “knock out” dances are next. They have never done three dances in one week in the history of the show. They get to pick the dance “so there are no excuses.” Donny laughs “why did I choose Jitterbug?” considering it’s so perky. Kelly wants to do the Cha Cha since she needs to redeem her lousy Cha Cha from early in the season.

Donny & Kim in their sparkly green outfits will do their Jitterbug. The Jitterbug is Donny’s dance, for sure, he’s definitely “the Entertainer!” Carrie Ann says he needed this dance and “you got your mojo back.” Len says out of three dances, “two out of three ain’t bad” and this one was a winner. Bruno calls it full of vigor and recharged. Backstage, Donny asks his fans to pull him through to the finals because they don’t want to go home. They’re happy with their scores: 9-9-9=27.

Joanna & Derek will dance their Salso to finish their evening. It’s a party dance for sure, but seems really short. I think Joanna thought she popped something out, and Len said it was like “nipple hors d’oeuvres, tasty and full of spice.” (Did he really say that?!) Bruno calls it “delicious and flirtatious.” Carrie Ann says that Joanna truly generates heat and would love to see her in the finals. Their scores: 9-9-9=27. Talk about consistent, a 27 for each dance! That’s an 81 for the night. Samantha interviews Derek about his Freestyle choreography, then makes some lame comment about “what don’t you like to do with Joanna” and has to add “on the dance floor.” Tom quips “Joanna’s fiancee - you can go right back there to see her.” Samantha can be so lame sometimes!

Kelly & Louis dance their Cha Cha to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Kelly is looking serious - she forgets to smile sometimes! Bruno says her feet precision was great and her timing was too. Carrie Ann said she hit her lines great. Len thought she struggled during one dance at the beginning, but has come out and done three dances at a high level. Samantha asks why should people vote for them, and Kelly says thank you, but all she wanted to do was go out and kick butt. Louis says everyone is working their butt off but Kelly really deserves to get into the finals because of where she’s come from. Their scores: 9-9-9=27.

Mya & Dmitry will Cha Cha to wrap up the night. Something tells me this will be drastically different from Kelly’s! Dmitry rips off Mya’s little white skirt to show some fringy green hot pants. Carrie Ann loves her hip action, but the “beginning wasn’t speaking to me.” Bruno yells “you’re deaf, that’s why” as he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Len says that Bruno shouts a lot, and “it’s getting on me wick a bit.” He was disappointed, because “I wanted it to go on a bit longer.” Bruno says it was like an “action packed trailer for a blockbuster, and I want to see the whole feature!” Sounds like great scores again! Backstage Mya thanks her fans for voting for them. Their scores: 9-10-10=29, for a total of 87.

So here’s how the judges have our couples after their scores:
87 - Mya & Dmitry
81 - Joanna & Derek
78 - Kelly & Louis
74 - Donny & Kym

Looks like Donny will go home, too bad, he really is a great entertainer. And he won’t have beaten his sister Marie who made it to third in her season. But who will win? Do you think Mya is a shoo-in for the Mirrorball Trophy? Can Joanna pull this off? Will Kelly the dark horse make it? We’ll see who goes home, tomorrow night - LIVE!

The Boy Who Became a Man ... Is Gone!

One couple must leave the ballroom tonight ... who will it be? We’ll find out - LIVE!!!!

Even though Mya & Dmitry got a perfect 30 last night, Len wants to see the futuristic Paso Doble from Joanna & Derek tonight. They’ve toned down the makeup a little (I wouldn’t want to be in that weird getup all night either). Len says that it’s “a glimpse of what the Paso Doble might look like in the future.”

"In no particular order" we will find out the first couple who will be dancing in the semifinals - and it’s Joanna & Derek. As a tease before the commercial, we see DanceCenter will be on tonight - I hope it’s funny. These DanceCenters are either pathetic or hysterical, no in between!

In the confessionals after the first round, Kelly was overcome by the judges’ remarks and was in tears, saying “I love you, Louis Van Amstel.” Louis got a bit emotional too! After more confessionals, where all the stars tell us how badly they want to make it to the semifinals, Michael Buble (Boo-blay) sings. He looks like Harry Connick Jr.! Nice song. Even nicer - Maks, Cheryl, Jonathon and Anna are dancing! Samantha interviews Joanna & Derek backstage and asks how they will manage three dances next week. Joanna says she’ll eat more food to keep up her energy for the extra hours of training. Derek says that it’s the “mark of a champion” that Joanna could falter in her first dance and come back to nail the second one. Tom quips that it’s amazing that someone can speak seriously with Derek’s hairdo. Then, we find out that Mya & Dmitry are safe as well.

DanceCenter is on! Kenny Mayne isn’t wearing his weird eyeshadow glitter, that’s a good thing. They talk about each of the stars, saying that “Polish girls are hot.” They also compare her laugh to a seal. They laugh about Donny’s age, saying he acts like a 3-year-old on sugar, and Jerry Rice says “I hope I have that much energy when I’m 82.” Stacey Keebler is backstage asking Donny about his relationship with Bruno. Cute. Aaron is next for skewering, and of course they bring up his crying.... “There’s no crying in ballroom!”

The Design A Dance is up! Sabrina Bryan and Mark Ballas are dancing the Paso Doble to “Eye of the Tiger.” Jeffrey somebody designed the costumes and they are the GHASTLIEST, ugliest, goofiest looking costumes ever! Even Louis’ finged pants weren’t as bad as this!! (And Jeffrey looks like a cross between Bill Gates and Jared the Subway guy). Love the dance, but it’s hard to watch with those tiger striped atrocities.

After another song by Michael Buble (which I TiVo’d through this time) we are treated to an interview with Samantha and the three couples who do not yet know their fate. She asks Donny if he doesn’t make it to next week, what will he have learned from the experience. “I have learned how much a body can ache.” Kelly offers that “It’s amazing what can happen if you push yourself.” Aaron has learned life lessons. (Okay?) Samantha then sends the couples out to face the announcement from Tom, who says “it’s kind of like walking a carpet-covered plank.” Donny & Kym will be around for the semifinals!

Susan Boyle is making her American TV debut tonight and she’s looking pretty good - amazing what a little makeup and fixed-up hair will do! She has an amazing voice! This one I listened to all the way, and it was wonderful to watch Tony & Chelsie dancing.

DanceCenter again - Kelly is known as “the daughter of the Prince of Darkness,” which makes her Satan’s daughter. She’s short and wears goofy bows in her hair and swears like a trucker. They bring up Dmitry now, and Len tells Kenny that Dmitry is the professional, leaving Kenny with a blank look. They say Mya has some anger issues, and we see clips of Mya smacking Dmitry around in practice. After a lame “way to predict who will win,” we will find out who is going home. Tom says “after the votes are counted, the couple who is NOT going to the semifinals is ... going to be announced after this commercial.” I see Louis mouth “f*ck.” He’s been hanging around Kelly a bit too long!

And it’s Aaron & Karina. Kelly can breathe now, she looks ecstatic. Aaron thanks the judges for their compliments and criticisms, saying he’s grown. Len wants to say something to Aaron, telling him that he’s an inspiration to young people everywhere. “If you were my son, I’d be so proud of you, but you should be proud of yourself.”

So yes, Aaron grew up, but it wasn’t enough to keep him around. I’m thinking Kelly may be next, and Mya and Joanna will be in the finals. Agree? We’ll see how it goes, next week - LIVE!